nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
