I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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