CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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