Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
