i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
