It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
