Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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