OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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