ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
