Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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