I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
