Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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