It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
