The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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