Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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