I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
