youre lurking in front of me
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
