my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
