Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize