Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
