I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
