Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
