why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
