I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
