If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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