Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
