How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
