shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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