I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He has the fingertips of a God
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize