I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
