Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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