just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize