You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
