From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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