Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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