BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize