hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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