i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
