i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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