Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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