I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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