did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Come share oat with me in your robe
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
