a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
