If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
