How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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