I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
All the doctor said was why
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
