A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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