Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
