So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize