They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize