I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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