I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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