God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
