just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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