We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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