Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
