Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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