Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
don't judge my taste in strippers
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
