We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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