so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
