You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize