I could make wine with my vomit
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
