I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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