I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
