I faked an abortion last night.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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