we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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