so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
