I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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