you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
