Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
