So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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