Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
