His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
