I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize