R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
she looked like the before picture.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
