its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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