Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Can you repeat that, but with context?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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