I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
