I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize