i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
