she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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