I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
