I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
