Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
