Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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