drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
