Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
