i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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