ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
