Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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