In the future we'll all be gay
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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