does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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