I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
