what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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