i don't like sucking hair
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
