I would go down on you faster than GM stock
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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