Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
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