I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
