i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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