I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
